


The Englishman and The Very Constipated Frog

by inkiie



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Anal, Awkward Boners, Constipation, Diarrhea, Enemas, Farting, M/M, Masturbation, Pee, Scat, Shit, Watersports, golden showers, literally rivers of shit, so much shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:47:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkiie/pseuds/inkiie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>France is terribly constipated so England breaks out his trusty enema kit to help. And that is on top of the meeting room table of all places</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Englishman and The Very Constipated Frog

France shifted uncomfortably in his seat in the nearly empty meeting room. Everyone else except England had left for the lunch break. France wasn’t in the mood for going to lunch, or any activity that involved putting food inside of him. His lower abdomen felt super tight and packed, as it had been feeling for the past few days. He was eyeing the Englishman angrily and praying he would leave already. He just wanted to make a phone call alone in here to the pharmacy so they could recommend him something to clear his bowels.

France suddenly felt a change in pressure happening in his lower abdomen and saw a glimmer of hope. Maybe now he would finally rid himself of this awful constipation. Unfortunately it turned out to be only a little gas and then the Frenchman’s lower region felt normally packed again. He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

“France. Are you alright?” England asked noticing the others distress.

“Yes, of course” he lied.

“Really? Because you don’t seem like it”

France sighed. Leave it to him to care when it’s unwanted. “England, will you please just leave? I have an important phone call to make”

“Oh, did you run out of cheese again?”

France rolled his eyes at the jab.

“If you must know I must phone my doctor”

“Oh? What did you catch this time?”

“Nothing! It’s not even that!”

“So what is it?”

“None of your business!”

“Lesions? Tapeworm? Ingrown toenail?”

France bit his lip. “Look, since you’re so curious I’ve been having some stomach issues and haven’t been able to use the bathroom. Happy?” France hoped that tmi bit would get England off his case.

England raised an amused giant brow. “Really? Can’t use the toilet you say? Because I saw you having a pissing contest with your idiotic counterparts just this morning”

“You know that’s not what I mean!”

England smirked. “So what do you mean?” He watched in amusement as the flustered Frenchman grew red.

“You know, the other thing”

“What thing?” England pushed innocently.

France balled his fists in frustration. If England wanted him to spell it out he would. “I can’t take a shit, ok? I’m totally backed up and feel like I’m going to explode. So if you could kindly let me make a phone call to my doctor so he can give me an extra strength laxative or something I’d really appreciate it”

“Oh silly Frog. You don’t want a laxative. You’ll be on the toilet for hours afterwards”

“Yes, thank you England but I realize that. That’s sort of the point of them”

“You obviously don’t understand what I mean. I can clear you out within minutes”

France scoffed. “I’ll take my shitting session over your magic any day”

“Damn it, I’m just trying to help you. Stay here and I’ll be right back”

Minutes later England came back carrying a small briefcase with him. He placed it on the table and opened it. He held up a long tube and two plastic bags that were full of some sort of liquid. France instantly recognized it as an enema kit.

“You carry enema kits with you” France deadpanned.

“No. That’s absurd.  I had Flying Mint Bunny bring it for me” France raised an eyebrow from his seat.

“Pants off and hop on the table” England demanded and gestured.

“Wh-what? You’re going to do it on the meeting room table?!”

“We can do it on a cafeteria table if you prefer” France grumbled but unbuckled his belt and undid his fly and slipped his pants off. He kept his boxers on as he crawled on the table.

“Those off too” England said as he busied himself with preparing the enema.

France slipped them off too. England couldn’t help but blush as he glanced up and saw France’s perfectly sized manhood. Not too big and obnoxious but certainly big enough to satisfy. It’s not like he hadn’t seen it all before but it was totally different when it was during a meeting.

“On your knees” France complied, smirked and started to comment but England cut him off as he jammed the small hose into his asshole.

“Ooff!” France jerked as he felt the cool tip enter him. “That hurts!”

“Oh, I forgot to put the lube on it” England pulled it out slowly and ran his hand up and down the hose with substance coated fingers. Now not only were France’s bowels uncomfortably full but he felt another discomfort growing for a different reason. If England kept his unintentional dirty talk and gestures there’d be a lot more than waste coming out of him.

England placed a hand on France’s lower back and this time easily and gently slid the hose in. France whimpered slightly as he felt the long foreign object slide in.

“Shhh” England reassured as he held France still and continued feeding the hose in. He put one hand underneath France and held his lower abdomen for support. He was very surprised by the hardness. He gently prodded.

“Owww! Stop that!”

With genuine concern in his eyes England asked “When’s the last time you used the bathroom?”

“Just this morning. Apparently you saw me” France sniped back.

England gave a small punch to France’s abdomen.

“Oww!” France’s tightly packed guts did not respond well to being hit.

“You can be sarcastic all you want later. Just answer me”

“Uhhh, like last week”

“Dammit, I hope I have enough fluid” England glanced concernedly as the bag was quickly shrinking in size.

France shifted. “Uhhh” he moaned. “I’m so full” he complained.

“Good. Hold it in”

“Been doing so for the last week”

A minute later France turned his head around to glance at England who was still attending to his backside. “Are you almost done?”

“Yes” England clamped the hose with a clip to keep the pressure even and make it easier for France to hold the liquid in. “Now try not to move much for the next 10 minutes or so”

France sighed deeply and slightly shifted his kneeling position to get comfortable for the next few minutes. He walked his arms around and stretched them. England stared as France turned and caught a sneak through the gap of his legs of his shifting lower regions too. He kept a transfixed gaze on them and his heartbeat grew faster as he realized he was getting a better and closer view as France was quickly turning around to face him. He didn’t turn his gaze fast enough.

France didn’t fail to notice. “Like what you see?” he grinned and winked, suddenly much more in his France character.

England blushed and silently turned away, suddenly very interested in the clock on the wall. However France’s small moans quickly snapped his attention back.

‘France has his face scrunched so cutely together’ he thought. France popped his eyes open and was met with England’s wide green ones. France gave a small smile. England gave a reassuring one back.

“Oh no!” France suddenly screamed. “It’s coming out!” Sure enough the hose slipped out and a bit of muddy water poured out of France’s ass and splashed onto the table.

England quickly jumped on the table when he heard the foul liquid splash loudly against the mahogany.

“Clench Frog!”

“Ugghh” France grunted in effort but managed to get his butt cheeks together. England sat down next to him. He glanced worriedly looked back at the clock and shifted.

“What’s wrong England?”

“No-nothing”

“Uhhh” France groaned again and it was soon followed by more splashing liquid shit.

“Sorry!”

The splashing sound was making England squirm even more.

“Be right back Frog” England said as he hopped off the table.

“Hey! Where do you think you’re going?”

“Need the toilet. Be right back”

“Oh no. you’re staying with me. If I could hold it for a week you can for a few more minutes” England highly doubted that but with those blue eyes that were sparkling with tears in the corners with frowning eyebrows framing them staring at him, England couldn’t help but stay. Damn him for having so much tea this morning. He actually did pass the bathroom on his way to retrieve the kit but America and Russia both entered it before him with America shouting about needing to take a huge dump and Russia for once agreed with him and said he was going to do the same. England knew better than to enter the bathroom when the country with the worst eating habits in the world and the world’s biggest country were both about to release a shit storm, pun intended.

France moaned again and scrunched his face. England glanced over. It was official. France made the cutest faces when he was in pain. England felt himself stirring down below. He cursed himself. However as France continued moaning and shifting along with his dangling lower regions it was impossible to deny that France’s innocent and pained face was turning him on, not to mention that delectable French dick.

England squirmed in place as the strain in his pants was becoming too much to bear. Now that his erection was putting so much pressure out it also affected his bladder which was even more uncomfortably full as everything was growing very compressed.

France’s eyes popped open again and flew to England’s crotch.

“Ohohoho. Care to take your pants off England? Oh!” More splashing followed which was accompanied by low moans of pleasure. England felt as though his pants were about to come apart at the seams.

‘Flurp!’ A wet fart escaped France’s ass.

“Oh god yes” France mumbled out softly.

 Having it all be too much England quickly undid the zipper and slipped them off. It’s not like anyone besides them two were here.

“Ahhh” sighed England.

France smirked. “Better take those pesky boxers off to before you puncture a hole in them” France moved over to England, slipped them off and grinned. However his movement and slightly upward position caused for a giant spurt of shit to loudly splurt out of him. It backsplashed off the table and onto England’s lap.

“Stop shitting on me!”

France ignored England as he rolled his eyes back in pleasure as the shit came out of him. He rocked his hips back and forth to get rid of the cramps.

England stared mesmerized as France’s member swung back and forth.

England slowly reached out for France’s dick. He couldn’t help himself. It was so hypnotic.  As France felt a hand wrap around his hanging flesh he immediately glanced down see England holding him tightly.

“E-England?”

“Shut up!” He let go of France and pushed him back. Bad move. France toppled backward and fell onto his back with legs bent at the knees and spread open with his privates in perfect view for England.  As soon as France hit the wood England was showered with shit that exploded out of France’s butt. England was left dripping with brownish diarrhea water and chunks of shit. He held out a shit covered hand and wiped his face with it as best as he could. Some got in his mouth. England spluttered and spit.

While England was wiping his face France was still spurting like a fountain. But instead of pleasant water sounds it was instead accompanied with loud splutry farts.

“England! I can’t stop!” France cried. “It’s getting all over the table! Ah, it’s now it’s getting on my shirt! This is silk!”

England glanced at France who was on the verge of tears and currently shitting his guts out all over the place. He tried getting back up into his kneeling position slowly and the stream weakened slightly.

However as he was emptying himself France felt a surge of relief coming over him. He quickly forgot that he was on top of a table and couldn’t help but push harder to get rid of his waste. He grunted in effort.

‘Splurt!’ A giant brown chunk fell out.

‘Splash!’ Diarrhea poured out.

‘Flurp!’ A wet fart escaped.

A river of shit was flowing down the table. It reached England.

“Stop shitting frog!”

“I can’t!” France cried with embarrassment. Sob, sob. “I can’t”

England attempted to crawl over to France. However he slipped in the shitty river.

“Off!” He landed chest first in shit. His white dress shirt instantly absorbed as much diarrhea as it could. Upon impact some shit splashed up and landed in his hair. With wobbly arms he pushed himself off. However that was very hard when you were slipping in a shit river, had a hard on and an extremely full bladder. The last one was immediately taken care of. As England steadied himself his erect self suddenly started spurting golden liquid everywhere. His hands flew down and he grabbed his dick and succeeded in stopping the flow.

“Hee, hee, you just peed yourself England” France teased.

“Says the bloke who just shit all over the meeting room” It was true. The shit river split off and dripped off the sides of the table and onto the floor and chairs. Not to mention all the splatter dotting the furniture from when France let out wet high pressured farts.  England crawled over to France and stuck his fingers in his asshole to stop France from shitting.

“You need to hold it in a tad longer. The water needs to reach deep in to dissolve and release everything”

England sighed as he sat down on his knees.

“Shit!” England’s erect self suddenly released itself one again. Piss shot up and covered both men’s faces. France watched in amusement as England panicked as his bladder continued losing the golden liquid.

France grabbed England’s dick and clenched around the end. England sighed in relief as he stopped relieving himself.

Then France smirked and started to slowly run his hand up and down the organ.

“Ahh~” England’s voice trembled. France only moved his hand faster.

“Ahh!” England fell back into the shit river and used his hands to support himself from collapsing completely.

As England was in ecstasy he forgot about France’s situation and his tension on his arm lowered and his fingers slipped out of France’s ass.

Immediately shit ran down England’s arm and dripped down onto the table.

‘Drip, splash, drip’

“England!”

“Sorry!”

 He put his fingers back in France’s ass.

England was suddenly hit with a genius idea. He made his way around France’s ass. He would replace his fingers with his eager manhood. England would act as a stopper while getting what he needed, which was off. He guided himself in, not needing to prepare himself or France first. All the liquids in France’s ass would provide enough lubrication while his asshole was already sufficiently stretched from all the shitting he did.

“England? Are you inside me?” France asked feeling a familiar object in his ass.

“Yes”

“Oh. Then get to work”

England started to slowly rock his hips back and forth. The solution and shit inside France proved for great lubrication and friction at the same time. He enjoyed how some chunkier parts of shit brushed up against him while the diarrhea washed over his length and soothed him.

“Ahh !~” France cried. He moved his own hand down to his dick and got to work.

Up and down, up and down went his hand when suddenly it was slapped away by England’s. England quickly grabbed France’s perfect length. His skilled hands ran gently up and down the organ.

Both men moaned in pleasure.

“France”

“Hmm?”

“You need more solution. I’m going to fill you up” With that he released his bladder into the Frenchman.

‘Hiss’ went England’s piss as it flowed out and filled France. England sighed loudly in relief. His achingly full bladder immediately thanked him and took over ridding itself of the massive amounts of urine it contained. England didn’t even need to think about peeing, instead he slumped over France’s back and let his body take care of its’ need.

“England, I feel really full. I’m going to shit again!”

England hurried his hand and thrusts. He needed to get off before France lost control of his muscles. A bit of liquid dripped and splashed out the edges of France’s asshole as England continued his motions.

In a frenzy England thrusted violently.

Both were near their climax.

 “Ahh!” England cried out. In his ecstasy high he ran his hand faster up and down France’s member.

“England! Faster! Please!”

England complied.

“Yes! Yes!”

England suddenly felt his hands covered in a warm stickiness. Upon that he himself found his limit and released his seed.

“Ahh!”

By now France’s insides were filled to their maximum capacity. Shit, piss and jizz seeped out of France’s ass.

“That’s it! It’s all coming out! Ahhh!” England’s dick was pushed out with the intense pressure as everything shot out of France’s ass. Some even backed up his dick hole and got inside.

“Ahhhhh! Ahahaahahaa!” France screamed in pleasure and shock.

England was in the crossfire of the wrath of France’s ass. The Englishman was completely covered with bodily fluids. As the immense pressure alleviated itself from France’s bowels it caused for a huge amount of pressure to be taken off his bladder. Now it was France’s turn to dribble golden liquid.

‘Hisss, splash’ went the piss as it hit the table.

‘Splurt, splurty, splurt, plop’ went his ass and shit.

England watched in amazement as the shit shot out of France like fireworks. Never had he seen such a sight. However he also noticed the yellow stream flowing gently and steadily and forming a puddle underneath France. He couldn’t help but smile as France’s face relaxed. He didn’t even care anymore that he was covered in mostly that man’s waste. In a strange way it was a whole nother level of bonding and intimacy.

“Aw, look who peed himself now” England joked.

France smirked and grabbed his leaking member and pointed it towards England, resulting in a golden shower.

England closed his eyes and spluttered as he got a face full of warm piss. He stumbled backwards and tripped against a garbage can.

England reached for the garbage can and placed it under France’s ass as a makeshift toilet.  He grabbed France by the collar and knocked him over it so his ass fell into the opening. A bit too late but even a little bit of contained shit was better than nothing.

“Spread your legs a tad” France did so.

England walked over to the front where the gap was between France’s legs. Then he grabbed himself, positioned, and released his bladder once again. He needed to get rid of the shit that shot up his dick.

France watched curiously as a golden stream dotted with brown chunks disappeared between his legs. England had exceptional aim and not a single drop got onto France.

The sound of England’s piss and France’s bowels evacuating filled the otherwise silent room. A few seconds later England was done so he sat down on the table next to France while he finished.

France’s excretions and farts continued to loudly resonate against the metallic can. In embarrassment France stopped relieving himself.

“Let it all out and don’t be embarrassed. I’ve seen you relieve yourself countless times and you just saw me moments ago. No need for shame” England coaxed as he rubbed France’s lower abdomen and gently applied pressure to hurry the process along. Unable to hold his waste in with England’s applied pressure France had no choice but to continue to shit loudly.

‘Splurt, flurp, blurp, plllllp, fllllp,, blllrp, luprppp, lurpy slurpy, flurpy, splurt’ and other similar noises emitted out of France’s ass. It was quite a cacophony.

A last few weak splurty farts came out. Finally France was done and he slumped on the can in defeat and exhaustion.

England pushed those sweaty blond locks out of France’s face.

“Better?”

France nodded. “Much. Th-thank you”

“No problem Frog”

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
